Between A Rock And A Stupid Place

Backstory: Lola asked us what we would do if we were in the same situation as Aron Ralston.

Lola: so my question is

Lola: if you were stuck there

neens: i would never be stuck there

neens: ever

robdogg: you ain't extreme

robdogg: i want to go skydiving

neens: put this in more realistic terms for me: if i was pinned under a coke freestyle machine i had toppled over on myself in anger

Lola: so what would you do

neens: i would cry a lot

robdogg: i would just push the rock out of the way

neens: and die of exposure

robdogg: i'd be like hurrrhghg

robdogg: and just do it

Lola: but you cant rob! you cant

Lola: honestly i would like hang myself somehow

robdogg: make a rock noose

neens: then it would look like

Lola: yes something like that

neens: you tried to kill yourself

neens: but a rock fell on you

neens: trying to save you

Lola: hahahaha

neens: give that rock a medal

Lola: its next on cnn heroes

neens: ahahaha

Secret Recipe

Lola: but i want to find the exact recipe of the sauce they put on the corn

Lola: last time i asked Luca she told me it was a secret

Lola: whatever

neens: secret = pee

Lola: maybe yeah

Lola: you know

Lola: there was this kid

Lola: with the most amazing smooth

Lola: beautiful skin

Lola: we all admired it

Lola: i think i told this to you guys....

Lola: his mom said she put his pee on his skin and it kept it like that

neens: no

neens: you definitely never told me that

neens: ever

neens: i would've remembered that

neens: lola apologize for telling me that

Lola: yeah, kids mom put his pee on his skin to keep it beautiful

Lola: I HAD TO BE AROUND THIS KID

neens: how old was this kid

Lola: 6 or 7

neens: there's an old wive's tail that you should take a baby's first urine and rub it on his skin because that first wee is full of antioxidants or something

neens: this is gross

neens: lola

neens: you're gross

Lola: you know, eat some fried placenta

Lola: and rub some urine

neens: the things you say are bad and they make me feel bad

neens: where is rob

*much later*

robdogg: hi did i miss anything i had to do shit

robdogg: baby urine wtf

Lola makes a green smoothie

Lola: what I made today

Lola: I brought some for my mom and she was like "noooo, what is this? is this your face mask? hair stuff? noooo why are you giving this to me....noooooo"

neens: that guacamole looks good

Lola: haaaa

robdogg: guacarita

robdogg: should have just made some guacamole and put some booze in it

robdogg: that sounds delicious

that's just what i am into these days ok

Lola: so neens wants to strangle me sometimes

Lola: ugh rob

Lola: neens loves me so much

Lola: SHE LOVES ME SO MUCH SHE WANTS TO STRANGLE ME

Lola: im waiting for the insult now....

neens: no insult

neens: that's just what i'm into

neens: you down?

neens: *raises eyebrow*

Lola: strangling me?

neens: say it again

neens: but slower

Lola: whoa

Lola: WHOA

(note: For the full effect of this blog post, I have included a picture of Joey Lawrence that was not originally part of our conversation. You might think this is unfair but I think I had to actually save a picture of Joey Lawrence on my computer just for a sight gag so you can suck it, reader.)

eat, pray, love and crap

Lola: did you know i even PURCHASED an eat, pray, love iphone application

Lola: i am that awesome

neens: What

neens: Does it point out when there are other cultures to exploit in a three hundred feet radius

robdogg: its indicates where the nearest ethnic child is so you always have someone to carry your luggage

neens: It automatically sifts through your vacation photos on Facebook and adds the word "quaint" strategically in your comments

robdogg: it shows a variety of exotic clothing contrasted with the scarred and worn hands of those that made them

Lola: you guys suck.

Ringback

Lola: you know what i hate

Lola: that playback ring tone

Lola: like when you call a person

Lola: and if they have one

Lola: instead of ringing

Lola: you hear the song they picked

Lola: STUPID

Lola: i want one

EXTREME COUPONING

Lola: have you seen extreme couponing

neens: nope

neens: my sister records it and i can't watch it

Lola: why

neens: i'm allergic to coupons

Lola: this lady

Lola: is making 50 cents

Lola: from each pain releiver she purchases

Lola: so shes trying to buy it all from the store

neens: yeah my mom used to coupon a bunch

neens: and she would often come back with more money than she left with

Lola: crazzzy

Lola: heey babeeeh

Lola: i think i wanna marrryyy youuuu

Lola: but seriously, shes getting 49 bottles of laundry detergent

Lola: where do you keep all that

Lola: ironically hoarders comes on after this show

tongue swallowing

neens: i just read someone saying "i laughed so hard i almost swallowed my tongue"

neens: and i idly thought

neens: "is that even possible"

neens: so i attempted to swallow my own tongue

neens: three seconds into it

neens: i wondered

neens: WHAT AM I DOING

Lola: ugh, youre such a retard

A Royal Wedding

Lola: rob you gonna watch the royal wedding live

neens: gross

Lola: make some tea and cookies and watch it with your mom

robdogg: yeah thats is something i am definately doing i got like some doilies to put on the table and i been practicing my manners

Lola: or get some beers

Lola: and like yell everytime they show the queen

neens: make a drinking game

Lola: ooh make a game out of it

neens: hahaha

robdogg: gotta have something to hold down the doilies

Lola: drink everytime they show the queen for as long as they show her

robdogg: hahaha

Lola: man that would be fun

neens: everytime you hear someone's butthole clinch

neens: chapel full of super ancient uptight britons

Lola: have you done that drinking to the song Roxanne

neens: just squeak

neens: squeeeak

neens: what is it

Lola: kanyes gonna be there

Lola: i hope he drinks before

neens: no one is allowed to make a joke

neens: about him interrupting

neens: i will not allow it

Lola: basically some people are roxanne

robdogg: I JUST GOTTA SAY

Lola: and the other people are put on a red light

robdogg: PRINCESS DIANA THE BEST PRINCESS OF ALL TIME

robdogg: OF ALL TIIIIIIIIME

Lola: ahahahahahaha

neens: that isn't even how it went

neens: i hate you guys

the perfect date

Lola: hey rob

Lola: describe your perfect date!

robdogg: arbys, she pays, we hook up, we never talk again

meat? meat? meat? pt 2

neens: lola i updated our blog ysterday

Lola: i read it

Lola: and i dont get it

Lola: which is why i didnt say anything

neens: hahaha

Lola: BUT ITS NOT YOUR FAULT BUT MINE

Lola: AND ITS YOUR HEART ON THE LINE

neens: did you ever see fight club

Lola: parts of it

robdogg: meatloaf looks just like that fat dude!

robdogg: and to get into fight club he had to stand outside!

neens: because he was that fat dude

Lola: oh ok

robdogg: he was!

neens: yes

Lola: yeah i guess i should watch fight club

neens: you knew that right

robdogg: that is actually meatloaf ahahaha

neens: hahahahaha

robdogg: no!

neens: you didn't know!

neens: ahahahaha

robdogg: oh man ahahha

robdogg: it was him!

robdogg: ahahahaha

neens: wow i thought you knew!

robdogg: no i was saying he looked like him!

neens: gawrsh

robdogg: i didn't know i was stating an actual fact

neens: the joke that became true

robdogg: yeah i can't believe i changed the past like that wow

meat? meat? meat?

neens: rob

neens: are YOU

neens: sending ME

neens: a link to a reality show clip

robdogg: yes did you see that!

neens: i am watching it

robdogg: arts and crafts RAAAAAAAGHGH

neens: whoa is meatloaf gonna fight with gary busey

robdogg: meat don't do it

neens: gary busey: unlikely voice of reason

robdogg: meat

robdogg: meat meat meat

neens: gary busey is looking more and more like an easter island head every day

robdogg: meatloaf is the fat dude from fight club!

neens: his name was robert paulson

robdogg: he gonna have to stand outside donald trumps house

robdogg: for like three days

GHOSTDOG

go here to see a bigger version

Lola: are they all dead

robdogg: ahahah

neens: Lola not every old picture is momento mori

neens: do you look at your mom's prom pictures

robdogg: yes they are lola they are dead

neens: and go "holy crap"

neens: "mom's a ghost"

robdogg: that dog is dead

robdogg: that lady is like

Lola: they dont have prom where she grew up

robdogg: this is ridiculous

Lola: so no

Lola: the dog is dead SEE

neens: the lady is definitely regretting letting her husband take charge of the photos this year

neens: not only is the dog dead but he is killing his owners via second hand smoke

Lola: :|

neens: i like her hat

Lola: i cant look at those pics for too long

Lola: just a few seconds at the most

neens: WHY

neens: lola no one is dead in that picture

robdogg: haha what

neens: they are all alive

Lola: ITS CREEPY

robdogg: except for the lady and the man

robdogg: and the dog

neens: here is the description

robdogg: GHOSTDOG

neens: Circa 1908. "Mr. and Mrs. Frank Kern and trained dog Bobbie." 8x10 inch dry plate glass negative, Detroit Publishing Company.

neens: not

neens: Mr. and Mrs. Frank Kern and their dead damn dog

Drills and walls

Lola: drills scare me

Lola: how deep do you drill

Lola: oh man I dont know if I should do this

Lola: what if I drill too much

robdogg: hahaha

robdogg: here is a tip

robdogg: just drill like an inch or so in!

robdogg: hahaha you're gonna get in trouble

Lola: im so scared im going to drill too much

Lola: go through the whole wall probably

Lola: house collapses

Lola: we're homeless

robdogg: that is a reasonable concern yes

robdogg: one time on this old house norm drilled so far through a wall he fell into another dimension!

Lola: really? cool

Lola: it's like Narnia

robdogg: yeah now he lives inside a wall

robdogg: FOREVER

robdogg: so be careful

Lola: sigh

L-L-L-Lysol

neens: man say what you want about lady gaga

neens: but she helps you get a kitchen clean

robdogg: so you are saying lady gaga is musical meth

neens: basically

Lame

neens: i'm sorry

robdogg: i'm sorry too

Lola: why

neens: we are so lame

Lola: *cries*

brilliance

Lola: i feel like eating a pop tart

neens: poop tard

neens: that goes in the blog

short ones 4/1/11

Lola: is the weather going to improve this week

robdogg: i dunno maybe

robdogg: i ain't got a doppler 5000!

Lola: well we cant be friends then

neens: not much lols, no

Lola: great

Lola: i wanted to go to the beach

robdogg: no beach for you

Lola: lifes a beach

Lola: and im just playing in the sand

Lola: quick WHO SAID THAT

robdogg: a hallmark card

neens: no idea

Lola: NO

Lola: LIL WAYNE YO

robdogg: a baby

robdogg: oh that was my third guess!

*****

Lola: http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/190734_10150155410427812_720397811_8134652_6598986_n.jpg

neens: true story after the photographer took those pictures he called animal control and had the duck executed

neens: or he called the city and they spent three hours removing the grate and retrieving the ducklings

neens: w/e

*****

neens: we ate at a new southern cooking place downtown

neens: called mamaws

neens: on sunday

neens: surprisingly good

robdogg: i thought that said manmaws

neens: hahaha

robdogg: a dude dressed like your mom cooks you a nice dinner

*****

robdogg: pfft i have the heart of an ox

Lola: havent you played oregon trail?

Lola: they die